The frequency of fighting has lessened since, and most of the reasons of past fights have been forgotten, but a topic that we used to fight about most is about the television. Yes. It is as ridiculous as it sounds. We fought because of the selection of television programmes.
Since I am usually in the living room, I would promptly switch on the television and grab the remote control to change the channel to the one that I desire to watch first.
Trigger for the conflict: My mother wanted to watch another channel at the same time, but I refused to relent because I was the one that got to the remote control first. Being rather hot-headed, I responded impudently that offended her even further.
In the end, my mother got to watch the programme that she wanted to and I ‘earned’ a cold war from fighting with her about the issue.
Feelings generated: Anger and Resentment from both sides. To me, watching a television programme is considered as entertainment for me after hitting the books. For my mother, it is a similar situation.
What I have learnt:
1. Choose my battles wisely by thinking about the consequences. Fighting over every single issue would result in deteriorating the relationship of the individuals involved. If it’s not such a serious issue, I should not push forward with my point aggressively.
2. Compromising is key. Nowadays, if my mother wants to watch a certain programme that clashes with mine, I'll wait for the re-run or watch it online.
3. Resolving the conflict not only mends the rift between two individuals, it also makes the people around us happier. For example, when two people in the family are having a conflict, it would create a tense atmosphere in the air, affecting the moods of others in the family. This is because everyone is trying to tip-toe around those involved and avoid from being drawn into the conflict.
4. Empathy is important in understanding how to avoid conflicts. In this case, we failed to understand each other’s stand and hence ended up quarrelling and having a cold war.
5. Resist from knee-jerk reactions, such as responding rudely to someone you are having a conflict with. As tempting it may sound, it would only end up driving a deeper wedge between the parties involved.
One thing I’m not so sure about:
Usually, when I have a conflict with anyone, I am always the one that takes the initiative to mend rifts, even if I am not the one that is at blame entirely. For example, as most of my conflicts with people result in ‘cold wars’, I will be the one that speaks to the other party first.
Sometimes, it seems like I am the one that’s treasuring the relationship more. What would you do if you were in my place?
References: Google Images, Someecards.com
Frankly speaking, I think that no matter what conflict arises, I would do my part to clear the air. At least my part.
ReplyDeleteIt takes two hands to clap, and it definitely takes two (or more) to create bad air around any relationship. While it is not entirely our fault, I think it's best to admit where we went wrong and at least do our part to show that we're aware of what could have been done better on our end. Whether or not the other party admits that he/she has a play, too, in the conflict... That's another issue.
At least we've done our part and tried to make it work.
Hi Ming Yan. I seldom watch television, so my point of view will differ from television lovers, just like you. Still, I can only relate to my radio experience with my dad in the car. I usually don't enjoy listening to the radio station that my dad listens to everyday. He tunes in to Capital Radio 95.8 for oldies, news updates and traffic news. For me, it's music that is more important; I usually tune into Lush 99.5fm. I still have to give my dad the respect for not tuning to my favourite radio station in the car. So what I do everyday, is to listen to the radio from my handphone. I guess in order to prevent conflicts, one person should compromise to the other party. And for you, I suggest you to watch catch-up television from the internet. If your mum is novice computer user, you can give up your television to your mum, and at the same time, enjoy watching tv from the internet! :)
ReplyDeleteHi Ming Yan, your blog swallowed my previous comment! So now I'm re-typing everything. :D
ReplyDeleteI seldom watch television, so my views might differ from television lovers, just like you. However, I do listen to radio, especially in the car. My dad and I have different preference of radio stations. My dad tunes into Captial 95.8fm for oldies, news updates and traffic updates. On the other hand, I prefer purely music; I tune into Lush 99.5fm. Still, I have to give my dad respect even though I don't like it. So, what I do is to listen to my favourite radio station from my handphone. I guess in order to prevent conflicts, one of the party has to compromise. In your case, I would have watched catch-up television from the internet. As my mum is a novice computer user, I would give up the remote control to my mum, while I watched tv from the internet. In this way, it's a win-win situation, isn't it? :)
>.< So weird!
DeleteYep! Currently, my mum and I use this method to resolve the issue. This is the main reason why we don't have conflicts about the television nowadays. But in the past, there's no such thing as xinmsn, and the shows weren't available online. :(
Hi Ming Yan,
ReplyDeleteThis was what happened in my house too. Everybody wants to watch a different channel and end up "fighting" for the remote control. What we did are actually take shifts. Sounds weird haha. Basically we all accommodate each other eventually, allowing another one to watch their favorite show at different time. I think this way is fair and everybody had a chance to relax by the sofa, cause I find computer screen is way too small. Else you can buy another television and all the problem will be solve.
I like your way of solving conflicts. Accommodating others and always think about the other person. You take the initiative to resolve the conflict which I think is the greatest hurdle to every conflict. Keep going and you are doing it right. :)
Conflicts with mom happen all the time for me too!! I find your point on "choose your battles carefully by thinking of the consequences" very interesting. For me, I will not think about the consequences probably because my mom is part of the family.
ReplyDeleteConflicts within the family and in other environments such as the workplace are very different. Our family will tend to be more forgiving, hence a sincere apology will quickly resolve the issue.
Nonetheless, there are many common things to take note for conflicts in whichever environment. I agree with the points on showing empathy and avoid knee-jerking reactions. Also, I feel that we should reflect on ourselves after a conflict to think about what caused it and how to resolve it if ppossible.
Your friends have said it all Ming Yan:)) good!
ReplyDelete